Sci Fi Survival Tips -- The Complete List

Nobody runs more bad sci-fi and horror movies that the SyFy cable television channel.  And so its executives  were quick to notice something that sci-fi fans have known for years:

The people in sci-fi movies always make the same mistakes.  Invent a revolutionary growth formula and somebody will pour in into the dog's dish by mistake. Soon a hundred-foot-tall Corgi will be seen gallumphing toward Manhattan.

Or, your new semi-autonomous death robot communicates on the same frequency as garage-door openers.  Or, you and two friends are out in the woods late at night and hear a ferocious roar from the woods nearby.  And someone says, "Let's go see what it was."  Hopeless people, all of them.

So the SyFy Channel compiled a list -- from fans -- of tips for surviving through one Syfy's own Romanian-made sci-fi or horror extravangzas.  SyFy ran them as public service spots on Saturday nights, before or during the 9 p.m. "Sci-Fi Saturday" movie.

They were a scream.  Click here to see a short selection of the survival-tip spots -- for as long as the video stays up.

And here is the complete list of tips -- I think. I had to go to various sites to find them all. I've added punctuation to simulate the vocal emphasis that the voice actors used. Read these tips with an open mind; and here's hoping that they don't come in handy some day.

1. If the Earth loses its atmosphere... don’t waste your breath screaming.
2. If it can eat through walls... it can eat through you.
3. Never swim alone, at night…naked.
4. Wishes can be dangerous; if you catch a Leprechaun, kill it.
5. If it has 20 legs... you can’t outrun it.
6. In the woods, everything can hear you scream.
7. If a giant spider catches you, don’t panic... it won’t eat you for days.
8. Never go on an epic quest... without having an exit strategy.
9. NUMBER SKIPPED
10. NUMBER SKIPPED
11. When building an army of mutant super-soldiers, don’t use the criminally insane.
12. Not all monsters want to eat you; some just want your skin.
13. Never play God... even if you are one.
14. Just because you’re immortal... doesn’t mean you can’t get your ass kicked.
15. If the egg weighs more than you... don’t wait around for it to hatch.
16. If its foot is bigger than your house... don’t hide in your house.
17. Never brew love potions... around family members.
18. If it has two heads, it can eat you in half the time.
19. If its footprint is bigger than your hummer... leave.
20. Never make fun of fairies... they aren’t as cute when they swarm.
21. Never mate with an alien... no matter how hot it is.
22. If you discover that you can fly... don’t do it in commercial airspace.
23. If you can see bits of flesh caught in its teeth... you’re standing too close.
24. If a giant asteroid is heading for Earth... duck and cover won’t help.
25. When building a robot don’t give it a brain; and if you do, don’t give it a weapon.
26. When running from a monster... never wear high heels.
27. If a giant snake is trying to kill you... don’t send a larger one to defeat it.
28. If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice... don’t pledge.
29. Kids love dinosaurs; unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
30. If it comes from outer space... don’t eat it.
31. If you find human remains, don’t wait around to see what was eating them.
32. If you engineer a super-virus, also engineer an unbreakable test-tube. 
33. If you think your town has a werewolf problem... move.
34. NUMBER SKIPPED 
35. ‘No Trespassing’ signs... only work for things that can read.
36. If the static in the TV is talking to you... don’t talk back.
37. If its teeth are bigger than its body... don’t try to pet it.
38. Massive doses of radiation... won’t give you superpowers.
39. If you successfully clone yourself... it will probably try to kill you.
40. When using an Ouija board:  only summon people who liked you.
41. NUMBER SKIPPED
42. NUMBER SKIPPED 
43. If a club requires a blood sacrifice... don’t join.
44. Never sign a contract in blood, no matter how badass it feels.
45. Just because it has fur... doesn’t mean you should pet it.
46. 46. Not all parasites need you for food; some just need you for shelter.
47. NUMBER SKIPPED
48. NUMBER SKIPPED
49. Just because it’s not safe outside... doesn’t mean its safe inside.
50. If the thing under your porch ate your dog... it’s probably not the cat.
51. NUMBER SKIPPED
52. NUMBER SKIPPED
53. If it has eyes in the back of its head... don’t stand behind it.
54. Skipped
55. Not everything in the dark will hurt you; some wait till you turn on the lights.
56. If your closet starts glowing... don’t open the door.
57. NUMBER SKIPPED
58. If something crawls down your chimney... it’s not bringing you toys.
59. If it feeds every 23 years... don’t be around when it wakes up.
60. If you’re mentioned in a prophecy... remember to write down the details.
61. If every animal runs in the same direction... follow them.
62. If you hear it growling a mile away... don’t wait around to see what it is.
63. If you open a door to another dimension... make sure you know how to close it.
64. If she starts growing fur... she’s no longer your sister.
65. NUMBER SKIPPED 
66. If you build a Doomsday device... don’t leave it on standby
67. In the event of a nuclear winter... don’t eat the snow.
68. If a book can summon the dead... don’t read it out loud.
69. If it creeps up quietly... it probably eats loudly.

http://vimeo.com/17853991